E.

As yesterday was a holiday, today was the first day of my workweek. I love short workweeks. Still, the first day of the week is always a struggle- especially if I was not as on top of my teacher prep-work as I should have been! NFL playoffs, weeks of DVR'd television, writing, and various crafty endeavors were just too good to resist. SO, on a stressful first-day-of-the-week, I like to find things to make me laugh during my planning period. I have two things to share with you, both are BRILLIANT. And I don't use that word lightly.

First up: Sleep Talkin' Man

This is just amazing. Seriously. a-MAZing! The blog is written by a woman whose "mild-mannered English husband lives quite a colorful existence in his dreams." And, fortunately for us, she has decided to record what he says in his sleep and then types up the best bits for our reading pleasure. It may not sound as amazing as it truly is, so you will have to just trust me and read it.
Oh, you want a sampling? Ok, sure!

"Can you hold... can you hold my starfish? It doesn't like it when I'm getting excited. Oh look, it likes you! Its legs are all cree-py cree-py."

"Hey, don't... don't say anything. Why don't you put it in an email, then I can ignore it at my pleasure."

"Legs time! Everybody get your legs!"

"Please just walk away. I don't want to have to stand here and say something so awesome that I'll have to remember it the rest of the day. Thank you!"

"We haven't got a plank. Just fucking jump."

"Yes I'm sad, but if you stood further away, I'd be happier. No, further away. Well, let's face it, just fucking CUNT OFF! Thank you, I appreciate it."

Excellent. I think one of my favorite things about this is that he manages to be simultaneously incredibly vulgar and polite. It's a truly delightful combination.


Thing To Share #2: on Twitter- Shit My Dad Says

It's basically fantastic. In most senses of the word. Most. Now, I have no way of knowing if he is actually recording things his dad says, but it's great regardless. A smattering of goodness from his father for you:

"Universe is 14 billion years old. Seems silly to celebrate one year. Be like having a fucking parade every time i take a piss."

"Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants."

"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."

And there you have it. Two things that will make you laugh on the first day of the week. You're welcome.