D.

I've never been one for sticking to resolutions. I always make them far too ambitious, push myself too hard and end up giving up -rather quickly- in frustration. I like to think that recognizing this in myself is a sign of maturity, and as such, have decided on a different tack this year.
There's a beautiful blog that I follow, mamawifedoula, for the beauty of her writing, the poetry she sometimes shares, and her wisdom. Each year so chooses Words of the Year to live by- ideas to incorporate into her life. It sounded like a wonderful alternative to rigid, performance-focused, resolutions. This year, I decided to give it a shot and have chosen 3 words I would like to meditate on and live by this year- Bravery, Trust, & Stillness. So, the question is, "what will this look like?"

Bravery: I don't mean this in the Evil Knevil sense of the word; I mean brave in my life choices and being less shy. For me, this will be applying to long-shot MFA programs, maybe moving somewhere unfamiliar (or at least preparing to), talking to people, making new friends, reading my poetry, singing my songs, and not worrying about what the future may or may not hold. Just Acting, just Pursuing with wild abandon. Or, as D.H. Lawrence puts it, being "most vividly, most perfectly alive." I think that is one of the bravest things we can do.

Trust: *writer disclaimer: I will never be one to try to force my faith or proselytize on here, but I am open about it, if it is relevant to a topic at hand*
This is very much about my faith. I spent far too long being angry at the Christians and the churches that didn't meet my expectations, that seemed fake and far from what Jesus was truly about- radical love, acceptance, community, and sacrifice. I was so angry, I lost track of myself, my faith, and I became jaded with it all. But that's wrong. I am who I am & I am wildly imperfect- I like to cuss (a lot), I sometimes want to rebel for the sake of rebellion, I get angry in my heart, and I can be selfish. But this is okay. This can be worked with if I just Trust that what i feel & know in my heart and spirit is True. I can then remember that despite all the ugly "Christianity," the judgment & hatred, there people who are for Love, always, and that God will help us be strong.

Stillness: This will take practice. As a writer, teacher, and sometimes musician & artist, I often let my mind run away with itself. But I need to learn to reign it in sometimes, too. There's nothing wrong with the wildness, but I would like to be able to sit in a thought for a while. Walk around in the space of it. I'd also like to learn to still my heart. To not let my emotions get the better of me when my mind is running in certain directions. I want to Feel Everything! But I would like to gain a bit more control over my feelings, rather than letting them run amok all over my nerves & throughout my body.

So there they are. In type, on the internet, for anyone to see who wishes to look. I think that keeping it to simple ideas will be more effective, and these ideas, rather than "lose 15 pounds!" or "stop drinking sodas!" will be far more beneficial to my person in the long run.

If anyone is reading this yet, what did you decide to do to start this new year?